The business of life is the acquisition of memories.  … that’s all there is.
Mr. Carson, Downton Abbey

And I have so many.

This week is a double whammy.  Today would have been my husband Frank’s 70th birthday, and this coming Sunday, the 2nd anniversary of his death.   Doing the math to calculate what his age would have been just freaked me out, and, I realize, he has really stopped in time at age 67 in my mind.  Though he turned 68 the week before his death, it never registered since he was essentially unconscious starting on that birthday and through out that following week.  Whoa- 70!  Whew!  Not sure he would have been real happy about being 70…. and I would have said “But, yeah, the alternative…”.

I have run pretty hard and fast for the past two years, in part, probably, to avoid the reality of my new life. And, while I have 47 years of memories with Frank,  there are so many new ones that I wished I could have shared with him: the many new friends I’ve added to my life, all of whom he would have loved and who would have loved him, too; the new places, learned, and old places, revisited, meals eaten and laughs had, family’s growth and evolution.  I no longer pick up the phone to call and share an event with him, but I so often wish I could.  So, here’s a small sampling, Frankie: 

I know you would have loved to see Max sprout up and over 6″ tall, embracing golf as his game.  While Mike has nurtured this love, it started with you.  I wish you could know what a beautiful person Julianne is, both inside and out, and that she was captain of her golf team as well as “Golfer of the Year”.  How you would have cheered at that golf banquet!

And to see Morgan and Lexi, with their naturally competitive spirits on the soccer field would amaze you!   And their growth- both physical and emotional, has been so great.   Morgan now has limbs so long she certainly could no longer stand on the headboard of our bed as you called out the circus announcement “Laaaadddiiiieessss aannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Gentlemen!  Presenting, for your pleasure, Miiiisssss Morgan Fischel!” as she tumbled on to the mattress.  And, you are missing Lexi’s impish personality and dagger smart mind, which contrasts/compliments, so well, her innate and unique sense of style.                                            

And the family that Brian and Edina have been able to forge, after all, for themselves and Rebecca and Jacob. I look at them with wonder, as it hasn’t been an easy process, I know.

All of this, and more, because of the great parents, and people,  Mike & Vicki, Zach and Jen, and Brian and Edina are.  You would be so proud and so impressed with what they have accomplished, as I am.

If only you were able to see the most wonderful life that Josh and Abbie have established for themselves, and how they compliment each other so well.  You would have taken such great pleasure to know that Josh has found a way to pull together all that he loves in the Riot Stage project, and he able to do this because of Abbie’s most wonderful support and hard work, too. 

And Ben and Sage, who have returned to Portland and live life on their terms: Sage, returning to school, Ben meeting his goal to work in a restaurant and learn by doing.   I miss them terrifically, but know they are where they need to be. 

And Dan, with the help of dear Barbora, has been able to begin to explore the greater world, as I think he has always been meant to do.   They have expanded their trips to visit Barbora’s family to include other areas of Europe, and, though we have missed them at the last two Christmas celebrations, I know they have enjoyed the experiences. 

And I see you in each of our children.  Josh’s new focus as an impresario and community activist is you; Zach’s caring, gentleness and involvement with his girls is you;  Ben’s desire to do what he does at the very best level possible is you.

Their support, along with Linda, Luke, Darin, and others,  has been all that you would have hoped it would be. And, you should know that we still love you terrifically, miss you constantly, think of you often.